Thirty
The Big Three-Oh.
I am actually elated to be turning 30, this being a very different feeling than my quarter life crisis at 25. At 25, Kyle had to comfort his deranged girlfriend on the beach the morning of her birthday who was sobbing uncontrollably because heaven forbid she didn’t have life all figured out. The unknown seemed so daunting, so overwhelming, so scary… And so it was.
But as I’ve grown, I’ve come to find that if you embrace the unknown, it will embrace you right back. This past year was a freaking rollercoaster (ie. Google Fashion Police). But instead of letting these outside factors get to me, I decided that I was the only one in control of my own happiness. And the only thing I could control was my relationship with myself, a relationship I had been neglecting for far too long.
For us women, if we talked to others the way we talked to ourselves, we’d be labeled as verbally abusive. If I walked up to a stranger and slapped the donut out of her hand and said, “Hey Fatso! You’re pathetic!” I’d be labeled as rude, yet I was saying it to myself day in and day out my entire life. And I was sick of it.
So last August, I did something about it. I started eating better. Cooking. Looking in the mirror and giving myself compliments instead of complaints. And you know what? My body started responding. Again, if you embrace it, it will embrace you right back. Although we put more of an emphasis on our other relationships with co-workers, spouses, and kids, we owe it to ourselves to be happy in the one that matters most.
Now I’m not going to lie, this past year has been pretty brutal, filled with tremendous tragedy and loss both personally and professionally. But pain and discomfort are the only things that can bring growth. So I slowed it down. I started meditating each morning. I became less anxious. I became more present. This year has taught me that I can get by on very little and still feel full, and that hanging on to resentment and doubt is like running life on a treadmill: It gets you nowhere. So while life may have been swirling around me in an utter shit storm, I somehow managed to feel something I haven’t felt in a long time – content.
Some may say it all goes downhill from here, but I refuse to believe that. I only prescribe to a belief in the up and up. So bring it Thirty – you saucy little bitch. Bring on the inevitable questions: When are you having kids? Are you staying in LA? What’s going on with your job? When was your last bowel movement? Have you started taking probiotics? You really should start taking probiotics…
The answer: I have not a clue. And for once, that’s something I’m completely fine with. Because once you start letting go of others expectations and embrace the unknown, that’s when life gets fun.
So cheers to you Thirty. You’ve gotten a bad wrap. You’re not so dirty after all.